Banned From Harvard

           TTTO "Banned From Argo" by Leslie Fish
           Inspired by "Argo's Fire-Breathing Daughter" 
           lyrics copyright Amanda Weinstein and Julian Asher, May 1996

When Harvard begged us all to come and praised 'diversity'
We all assumed we'd be allowed to revel as we pleased;
But when a pack of HRSFAns streaked through Cambridge nearly nude
We found out Plymouth's colonists were Bible-thumping prudes.

So we're banned from Harvard just for spite;
Banned from Harvard just for running around at night.
We thought we'd come and revel here for just four years or five,
But Harvard nearly burned us all alive.

Painted blue and chasing after antlers in a hood ---
The school police were quite convinced we were up to no good.
They said they'd have no hunters here; our Master simply cites
The abstract of his paper on the ancient Celtic rites.

And we're banned from Harvard just for spite;
Banned from Harvard just for Hunting around at night.
We thought we'd come and revel here for just four years or five,
But Harvard nearly burned us all alive.

Our co-chair went and purchased nearly fifty pounds of dice;
The UC rep just eyed the slip and primly said, "Oh right.
This must be for that D and D."  The co-chair said, "Like hell.
It's the sacrifice that Loki wants each year to keep us well."

[OR, for psych majors:

Our co-chair went and purchased clay for Clayorama's fight;
The UC rep just eyed the slip and primly said, "Oh right.
This must be for your pottery."  Our co-chair said, "No way.
It's for letting out aggressions in a form of harmless play." ]

And we're banned from Harvard just for spite;
Banned from Harvard just for gaming around at night.
We thought we'd come and revel here for just four years or five,
But Harvard nearly burned us all alive.

On the fateful night the Poobah came out marching with a drum,
And started chanting praises to the Lord of Time to Come.
The drunken freshmen stumbled by, and heads began to turn
As we called on mighty Chronos and we set the clock to burn.

And we're banned from Harvard just for spite;
Banned from Harvard just for chanting around at night.
We thought we'd come and revel here for just four years or five,
But Harvard nearly burned us all alive.

We dressed up in our finest and we went out for a stroll.
A huntsman raised his riding crop and called out, "Tally Ho!";
Rudenstine was passing by and set his mind at ease;
Until Levi took a short cut for the fox between his knees.

And we're banned from Harvard just for spite;
Banned from Harvard just for hunting while it's light.
We thought we'd come and revel here for just four years or five,
But Harvard nearly burned us all alive.

Some HRSFAns went a-dancing in the Lowell JCR;
Major Kira phasered Mulder when the music turned bizarre.
The noise woke all the neighbors and they came out with an axe;
But turned and fled in terror when they caught a glimpse of Dax.

And we're banned from Harvard just for spite;
Banned from Harvard just for dancing around at night.
We thought we'd come and revel here for just four years or five,
But Harvard nearly burned us all alive.

Our group is Harvard's finest and perhaps its most diverse;
With sixty-seven majors I suppose we could do worse.
We're headed off to Berkeley, but I'm sure we'll be back soon;
With post-doctoral appointments and perhaps another tune.

And we're banned from Harvard, every one
Banned from Harvard just for trying to have some fun.
We thought we'd come and study here for just three years or four;
But Harvard doesn't want us anymore.